Money Mistakes in a Marriage, and a Formula for Solving Them

Money remains one of the leading causes of conflict in marriage. According to a 2023 CNBC survey, nearly 70% of couples argue about finances, making it more common than disputes about household chores, parenting, or intimacy.¹

The most common complaints include disagreements about spending and saving, hidden purchases, and not including each other in financial decisions.

Ignoring money issues might avoid conflict in the short term, but it can lead to more stress and misunderstanding over time. For couples who want to work together on money decisions, there’s a surprisingly mathematical approach that can help: a formula developed by Nobel Prize-winning mathematician John F. Nash, Jr.

In his 1950 paper “The Bargaining Problem,” Nash proposed a framework that shows how two people can divide something, like money, in a way that maximizes benefit for both parties.² The solution isn’t about splitting things 50/50 but finding the most mutually satisfying outcome.

A Practical Example

Imagine a couple has $5,000 to allocate between savings and a vacation. One partner rates their happiness as a 7 if the money goes to savings and a 3 if no decision is made. The other rates an 8 for the vacation and also a 3 if no decision is made. Nash’s equation calculates that the optimal division would be $2,634 to savings and $2,366 to vacation, giving each partner a better outcome than walking away with nothing.

The takeaway: solutions that account for each partner’s preferences—not just a strict 50/50 split—can result in greater satisfaction for both.

Real-World Tips for Couples

If applying algebra to your arguments doesn’t sound appealing, here are some simpler approaches that work:

• Schedule regular money check-ins to review spending, savings, and goals.
• Consider separate discretionary accounts for each spouse to use freely.
• Use budgeting tools or apps to increase transparency.
• Agree on shared priorities like saving for a home, paying off debt, or planning vacations.

If you struggle to talk about money calmly or productively, you’re not alone. A Money Coach can help couples align their values and develop a plan that works for both.

A Couple’s Experience

“[Our Money Coach] did not focus on just one of our concerns or questions, but both of ours. [She] had a unique ability to answer both our questions while bringing them back to the main goal of the call. This skill not only aligned my wife and I around finances, but set us up as a team for our financial future. Since our call, I am glad to report that my wife and I are applying the bi-weekly check-ins on our finances and are on path to achieve our financial goals. In addition, we have turned a sensitive topic into a positive topic.”

The Bottom Line

Money doesn’t have to drive a wedge in your relationship. With open communication, thoughtful tools, and a little outside help, financial conversations can become a source of connection rather than conflict.

Call 888-724-2326 to talk with a Money Coach and create an action plan that supports both of your goals.

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¹ Nova, Annie. “70% of Couples Argue About Money. These Tips Can Help You Avoid Financial Conflict.” CNBC, 6 May 2023. https://www.cnbc.com/2023/05/06/how-to-avoid-money-fights-with-your-partner.html

² Nash, John F. “The Bargaining Problem.” Econometrica, April 1950. https://www.math.mcgill.ca/vetta/CS764.dir/nashbarg.pdf

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